Adoption is…
A process of changing one’s identity
Trauma
Overcome it. I will.
But it’s real
So real that sometimes we can’t see it
But I see it now
Dragging myself from the fog
Painful
Necessary
Cleansing
Dare I say… beautiful
Adoption is pain
Adoption is change
Grateful for the people it brought in to my life
Grateful for the perspective it brings
I will speak my tale
Speak it true
All of it
The good
The ugly
It’s time for honesty
Not least of all to me.
Or: My journey as a Chinese born Australian who doesn’t see herself as Asian but, after seeing Shang Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, I realise a part of me deep down still has some strong connection to my Chinese roots.
That is one heck of a subtitle, hey? But, this is how I felt after watching this new entry into Phase Four of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
This is not going to be a typical review, and there will also be no major spoilers (probably), but fair warning I will be gushing a lot as my love for this film surpasses any other MCU film. Also, this post will most likely be all over the place. So please bear with me.
Continue reading “Being an Asian Adoptee in the Western World”A piece I wrote on my birthday this year:
You are enough.
You were loved.
You are still loved.
She thinks of you all the time, especially on your birthday.
Today is your birthday.
Today you turn 39.
Today your First Mother, your life giver, is 56.
Today she will probably pause to think of you.
And mourn you.
Today you can mourn freely.
Mourn for what could’ve been.
Today you can celebrate.
Celebrate all that you do have.
To mourn and to celebrate.
That is what it means to be an adoptee.
A child displaced from one family.
A child placed with another family.
Mourning and dancing can coincide on the same coin.
Tears can come with sorrow and joy.
Express them freely, Man Yee.
It is your right.
Who would’ve thought that twenty years later, this album would still be on high rotation? From the CD to mp3 to fully digital… what a ride for Simple Plan’s second album, Still Not Getting Any. The album that made me a fan. And I can honestly say that it still holds up as my favourite album ever.
Listening to the album from beginning to end is always a great joy. Every single track holds a special place in my heart.
Welcome to My Life, the song that made me a fan; Perfect World which is my all time favourite song ever; Shut Up! which we all wanna sing loudly to the haters; Untitled… the song that gained a subtitle when it became a single. How could that happen… to me? Jump that one song that hurts my knees now. Every song on this album just gets me going.
Over the years, I’ve loved other artists, bands, albums, songs, but Still Not Getting Any has not lost its charm throughout.
Here’s to twenty more years!!
The anticipation leading up to the release of this album, Lin-Manuel Miranda and Eisa Davis’ concept album Warriors, was palpable. From the moment that hints and rumours were crossing the social media spaces, to when Lin officially announced that he was working on this album, I was so ready for new Lin work.
Continue reading “Warriors Album a non-review”我叫鍾敏儀. Ngo5 giu3 Chung Man Yee.
“I am called, Chung Man Yee.”
When I was born, I was given the name Chung Man Yee.
When I was adopted my name was changed. To Marly. I love this name, it is the name I grew up with. But the first three years of my life I was known by the Cantonese name, Man Yee. Now I reclaim my original name, not legally, but in my heart. I will always be Marly. But I am also, Man Yee.
I want to relearn my mother tongue. Cantonese (廣東話 gwong2 dung1 waa2) and am in the very early days of exploring the possibilities available for me to learn.
I tend to procrastinate on the things I want to do due to my energy levels. I could lay out all the reasons for not starting on this journey but at the root of it is a fear of not being able to succeed in this endeavour. Of not being able to speak the language and then not connecting with it. That’s part of it, but the truth is time is a big factor and also the many other activities I want to engage in.
I want to share my story through videos on TikTok, I want to write fanfiction, I want to listen to good music and I want to spend time with my friends. Or read a good book or play video games… I don’t have the discipline to sit and do something unless I have no choice. But because learning a new language is a choice… it’s hard to shift it to a need. Even though part of me feels that it is a need.
I do know it is something I will do. It’s just having the energy and time to do so. I have the tools at my disposal. So, that’s not the issue.
We’ll see where this journey goes.
Is there a reason we fantasise more about birth fathers than birth mothers?
I think there is. Adoptees often have no information on their paternal history as often our mothers were not married or were even children themselves when they gave birth to us.
I know I sometimes had an idealised version of what my birth father might have been like.
But now as an adult I have even fictionalised my birth father in my roleplay with my online friend.
That’s a trauma response, right? 🙃
His name is Shen and he is a timekeeper because of course he is 😅.
He travels through time so he has no time to stay with my birth mother or have anything to do with me.
He knows about me though. Which is every adoptees wish, right? That our birth fathers know that we exist.
Also we kinda turned him into an asshole who doesn’t believe in messing with time… even though he tried to mess with our time.
So yeah.
Birth fathers. Amirite?
Life is all about discovering who we are. That’s the crux of it.
It isn’t about success, it isn’t about competition. Sure those things come into play, but what life really is, is a journey to discovering where we belong, who we want to be and who we are becoming.
Everything else is just the set in which we play this out.
Originally written for a writing course
Here’s three songs that Lin wrote that resonate with me currently.
1. One More Song – Vivo: To be honest all the songs from Vivo hold a special place in my heart, especially the tracks that he sings on. First of all because it proves his own talent as a singer, but also because they hold such a note of hope in them. This song specifically is such a beautiful tribute to artists who have long gone and how we want to continue working with those long gone. Or to keep remembering their legacy. And I want to do that with Lin’s art.
2. Carnival Del Barrio – Film version: Daphne’s vocals in this version are so powerful and hearing Lin’s vocals threading through the whole song makes my heart sing. His verse as the Piraguero makes me smile so much and I love the harmonies and story telling in this song as the community is toughing out the heatwave without electricity. It is a song of solidarity and community.
3. We Know the Way – Moana: I just love the fact that I loved this song before I knew who Lin-Manuel really was. Also the added fun fact that Lin originally recorded this song as the demo to show the Disney execs and they told him they were going to keep his vocals on the song for the film. The joy he must’ve felt when hearing that.
It seems Disney has come a long way when it comes to crediting the voices on the songs on animated soundtracks.
Originally written for a writing course on IG, inspired by Lin-Manuel Miranda
Writing about my culture is a tricky activity to do. Because as an international transracial adoptee I’ve lost a lot of my original birth culture (Hong Kong Chinese). I am by no means bitter about this as I love the culture I’ve been raised in…but, this does raise a question.
What is Australian culture? I know outsiders might say something like riding kangaroos and wrestling crocodiles a la Steve Irwin. Others might say, friendly quokka selfies – Western Australian specific. Others might say the Ocker Aussie, with a broad accent like Crocodile Dundee. Some might say drinking a beer and watching cricket or Aussie Rules Football. Many would say we are more laidback than other cultures.
Also, importantly we cannot ignore the many Aboriginal peoples and their differing cultures as well. Acknowledging them is essential.
But for me? And my own family culture raised by white Australians? Well, I love cricket and Aussie rules football. I have a standard Aussie accent (so neither broad nor cultivated). I like Chinese food. We celebrated Lunar New Year when I was a child so that we could try and explore some of my birth culture. But, I don’t speak Mandarin or Cantonese (my native tongue), and I was raised Christian and that has definitely impacted my culture. Not in a negative or positive way. Just in ways that formed me as a person.
I am an Australian citizen. I am Chinese born, but have the world view of an Anglo-Celtic Christian raised in a country with more opportunities that I would’ve had in Hong Kong.
But, I know that this doesn’t mean my life now is better than what I might have had if my birth mother had kept me.
Just a different one.
If you want to hear what I have to say about adoption, mine and the systems around the western world, please follow me on TikTok.
Marly's World 